"That need for chaos may never go away for them. Particularly, children who have Reactive Attachment Disorder experience this."
~W. R. Cummings
As many of you are aware that our 5 little ones were added to our family after having their start at life in another family. The journey to us was through 2 to 3 families from their biological family. The first parts of each ones childhood was not easy. There was trauma to be experienced in different levels for each one. We had thought that the last one being so young when she left her biological home might have escaped it. However, something is amidst from either in uteri or the experience of being in foster care.
In our home we have our highs and lows. Kind of like watching the stock market on Wall Street. Just like certain stocks rise up fast and some crash right down to bottom out. That is what our family life is like. Each day is something a little bit different. There isn't a crystal ball to help us see clearly what the day is going to be like.
After reading this article, 'Kids Who Need Their External World To Match Their Internal Chaos' by Wendy Cummings. I highly recommend reading it if you or someone you love has a child who thrives in chaos. It helped shed some more light with what might be going on with our little ones. They love it loud. The chaos, the noise, the hands on each other, telling on someone for something they did or even for something they didn't do. Of course with our first two children we had a little tattling and bickering but mostly calm. Though we had been around children who had behavior tendencies it wasn't every day. Our every day environment is not the one that we lived in for the past 17 years before we opened our home for fostering.
Donald and I appreciate calm and thrive in it. However, we are going to need to embrace the chaos we have been trying to push back against, or at least accept it a little better. Each of our five little ones look like any other kiddo.... just cuter. LOL Just kidding! Children are beautiful. This shed's a light on why one always tries to stir up something when nothing is going on. Why another fights so hard to pick up the simplest thing to put away and then goes into an hour long screaming tantrum. It just might be more than impulses for our RAD child when he places his hands on someone. Our daughter who likes to be the "boss" of everyone and control the situation where she has no control. Then the last one, she is a whirlwind of destruction but taken out of the chaos at such a young age of just over a month. She doesn't like all the loud around her but instead is static cling to myself or her daddy.
We get tired. Our home is not organized. Ha! Laundry needs to be caught up and definitely all put away. The idea of everything having a place is fleetingly flying out the window. It will come when they all leave the home at 25 or 30 years old.... At that time we will be 60/70... Great time to declutter and let it go.
At the end of the day we still love each one of them immensely and couldn't think of a day without them. They might be unbiologically ours, however, they are the missing parts of our heart. We give them all the love and hopefully the skills to help with a stable life through the chaos.
The above photograph was captured by our dear friend, Gina Johnson of Gina Johnson Photography. I am so happy with this image of our Bigs and our Littles.